I can’t get it to stopon May 27, 2013 at 5:09 am
This is not a random thought. This is me with something particular on my mind. I am tired. I don’t want to go on. I have the belief that the man should be the primary person to support the family. Well, lets just say that I feel like I’m not supporting very well. There is a lot of other things that are compounding on top of that which I’ll not discus. I want to go, I want to leave and end it. I hurt all the time now. I feel like I’m always stepping in shit and making things worse. Nothing has ever gone the way I want it to. Why won’t it stop? Will there always be pain in my life? Is the only way to escape it would be to stop everything?
I’m so tired of how my life is. I love my family and don’t want anything to happen to them but it’s hard. I’m not a good father. I’m not a good husband. I’m not great at anything. All I cause is trouble with anything I do or say to people. I am a walking failure. Anything I do is wrong. I can’t get anything right. I can deal with pain but not constant pain. I’m at work right now and I want to cry because I feel it so much right now.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have ended it long before, the first time I tried. There are people that could be so much better to my wife.
I want it to stop.